


Standing Around Doing Nothing

by Elzy



Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Comedy, petrification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elzy/pseuds/Elzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the party loses Kuja, it seems only an artefact in a museum can help find him. The trouble is, it only works at a certain time. Stealing it is out, but Zidane has an idea. You see, he says he once spent a few days as a statue in the same museum....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Story Itself

They'd lost him. They had no clue where Kuja was. 

"So that's it. He's got away and we've no way to catch up?" Zidane sighed.

"We'll find him sooner or later." Eiko said.

"How, though? We haven't got a sniff of a trail..." 

"I've got an idea." Dagger said.

"What is it?" Freya asked.

"Well, there's a legendary crystal ball, the Eye of Odin. it's meant to be able to let you find anyone if you use it at the right time..." Dagger began to explain, only to be interrupted.

"What's the right time?" Eiko asked

"Under the light of a full moon, but the trouble is, the legend says you need at least two people with white magic to use it."

"Dagger, we have two people, you and me."

"Yeah. So where is it?" Vivi asked.

"Oh, it's in a gallery in Treno. At least, they claimed it was the Eye of Odin. You might have heard of it, Zidane. It's where that statue you told me about was..." She grinned.

"What statue?" Eiko asked, unaware of any statue. 

"It's a long story." Freya said, groaning. She too had heard the story, and hadn't bought it.

"Zidane will tell you it if you ask. If you believe him it's a different matter." Dagger smiled. An indignant Zidane ignored the remarks from the two women and explained.

"Well, I'll shorten it down. So we could steal something..."

"This is not a surprise..." Steiner muttered. Zidane pressed on.

"...Tantalus had me pose as a statue so I could sneak out of the place without risking being seen on the way in." Zidane said.

He'd made the mistake of trying to impress Dagger with it in an inn somewhere and soon everyone else knew. Eiko had not learned of it, nor had Armarant, but everyone else had been told, and no one believed him except Vivi.

"Really?" Eiko said.

"Don't believe him. it's just something he made up to impress girls. Though why I don't know." Dagger said, truly puzzled by the idea.Was he trying to claim he was a work of art? 

"I bet you were a nice statue." Eiko continued.

"It would shut him up at least, then he might be tolerable. Is it me by the way, or can you actually think of Zidane as a tolerable person when he's Silenced?" Freya noted. Zidane responded with a rude gesture, that Freya returned.

"...What does that mean?" Vivi wondered aloud.

"Never copy it."  Zidane, Dagger, Steiner, and Freya said together.

"True story or not, perhaps the idea could work. Maybe also, the ruffian can prove it. We could visit the sculptor he told us about in Lindblum. We can speak with her, learn if it can be done, and maybe try to get access this Eye of Odin." Steiner said.

"You just want to see if she's as pretty as I said she was..." Zidane mocked.

"My mind is on more important matters than yours, knave!"

"Oh, you mean Beatrix..." Zidane said.

"Steiner is right. it's worth a try." Freya said quickly, before Steiner and Zidane could taunt each other to death...

***

Persephone's studio had not been in an area affected by Atmos attacking, and had also escaped damage when Alexandria had occupied the city. Zidane led the party there. 

"Hello, Zidane." Persephone said. He introduced the rest of the group to her, and soon some were surprised to learn Zidane had not been lying about the time he had spent as a statue. They were speaking in her studio, a new block of marble being converted into what looked like a small Chocobo.

"So what brings you here without the rest of Tantalus? Going solo?" 

"Sort of. We need to get back into the gallery for something." Zidane said.

"Do I need to know what?"

"Not really. we need to get two people able to use white magic inside, that's Dagger and Eiko."

"Well, Zidane, I suppose your plan is they get made into statues, do whatever you need, and then walk out, but there's a problem or three. Your theft made them install better security. The floors are supposed to be linked to bells if you step on them, and the guards come running. No one gets in or out after closing time without the guards knowing thanks to that floor. Besides, do they know the layout?"

"Actually, no, we don't." Dagger admitted. 

"But the floor won't be a problem, we can just use float." Eiko said, quickly overcoming that problem.

"Well, with the layout, if I go in I know the best way out." Zidane suggested.

"Well, there's the other problem. if I have three new statues vanish when you go in, my reputation gets hit. Do you know how much people are offering me to try and remake that statue?" Persephone said.

"No. do I want to?" Zidane said.

"It's far more than you could ever steal."

"And speaking of stealing, letting this ruffian back into that gallery is a danger! He shall rob the place blind." Steiner said, joining the conversation.

"True, but he has been there. He also stole himself from the place too which proves he can be skilled when he wants to be. But I have a small solution to the problem that is most pressing with this idea. I can make you three into statues, but on one condition. I choose what you will be, I also make copies of whatever statues you are and your white mages shrink the copies. When you leave, you replace yourselves with your copy. Oh, and I keep the money from selling you. deal?"  Persephone said.

"Fine. so long as only Dagger is naked..." Zidane tried.

"Ahem." Dagger said.

"All right, so long as we're both naked?"

"No, Zidane. none of us are going to be nudes." dagger said

"Why, something wrong with nude statues?" Zidane teased.

"Not at all, heroic nudity is a common motif in classical art. But it's not in vogue at the moment, as I'm sure Persephone can tell you."

"She's correct. It's not as popular as it has been." Persphone noted

"Oh... Well, I guess..."

"And the original Wild Boy statue was clothed, wasn't it?" Dagger came back.

"Uh... Yeah..."

"So, having us both be nude would break with the previous statue. Not to mention the fact we have to leave afterwards, and I personally don't relish the prospect of going through Treno naked. Besides, if we were all naked, where would we hide the copies to replace ourselves?" 

"Well, yeah. I suppose. But it was worth a try..." Zidane frowned.

"And what of the thief? he cannot be allowed to steal any items of value!" Steiner raged.

"Relax, Rusty. I won't steal anything." Zidane said.

"Well... Steiner, was it? Perhaps you could go in as well, and make sure Zidane's sticky fingers don't stick to any small and valuable exhibits." Persephone suggested.

"With the costume I'll have to wear, 

"So, what statues will we be?" Eiko asked.

"Well, Zidane is going to be the same as before. I'm not sure what you'll be, but Dagger's hair is a little too short for a dress. I was thinking a dress might be needed to hide the shrunken statues and some supersofts. Maybe you could wear the dress, Eiko."

"And if Rusty is coming?" Zidane asked

"Of course I am!" Steiner barked.

"Well, a knight of some sort obviously. But slightly more impressive armour than what he has just now... Anyway, maybe we can start on the copy of you first, and show the other three what they're in for if they're going to be statues?" Persephone said. Zidane sighed

"All right. Fine. But we'll need the..." 

Persephone cut him off by producing the clothes he had worn as the Wild Boy statue.

"Can I at least change somewhere out of the way this time?" 

"A minute ago you were suggesting you and the young lady both went in as nudes, but fair enough." Persephone smiled. Zidane left to change, trying to ignore the fact that from the sound of it, everyone in the room behind him was snickering. Even Rusty...

***

When he returned, it was dressed in the pair of fur boots, fur shorts, leather belt, loincloth, cloak and rags that had once been part of his disguise as a statue of a wildman from the outer continents. However, to everyone else this was not part of a future work of art but of a present work of comedy. Even Rusty was barely suppressing a smirk, and Zidane was briefly thinking that anything that got Armarant howling with laughter was worth it. Dagger was probably the second worst after Armarant in terms of finding it funny, but Zidane had expected that. Luckily, Persephone was on his side, sort of.

"I don't see why you're laughing so much, Dagger. I'm thinking that you might make a nice companion piece to him." She said. Dagger's laughter stopped.

"Okay, this costume, it's very much worth it." Zidane decided.

"Wait, are you serious?" Dagger asked, flustered. Persephone simply nodded. This caused Eiko to start laughing, but she had clearly paid attention to why Dagger was heading to embarrassment and was trying not to be too obvious about it.

"And the way the other young lady is at least trying to not laugh is almost angelic, so perhaps we can have her as an angel or something. Excellent excuse for a dress and we can have the pedestal as part of the statue to hide the things you need in the gaps. The four copies and three supersofts." Persephone said.

"Well, someone got off lucky." Vivi noted. Eiko simply stuck her tongue out at him gleefully. 

"So then, one of the four not getting petrified will be dropping a supersoft on Eiko when the time is right. Then you turn the other three back, unshrink your copies, replace yourselves and then leave. 

"How quickly do you think you'll copy us?" Zidane enquired.

"Not too long. A few days per copy. I don't need you petrified to copy you, just that you hold still. We can do it turn about then, you stand for a few hours, then Dagger, so on..." Persephone said.

"Well, I can help there." Vivi said.

"How?"

"I know a stop spell. They won't move an inch."

"Helpful for the pose, but it might be easier to just petrify him after all. Stop can be a pain to undo without a remedy... And we'd need a lot of them unless one of these white mages knows Esuna..."

"Um, only me, so if we did that we'd need remedies..." Eiko noted.

"I should mention, we also need to do what we're doing during a full moon." Dagger added.

"Fair enough, I can try and get you ready for the next one, but you might need to wait a week or two as statues either way. "

"We can wait." Zidane said. The other three agreed.

"Well, if you'd do the honours and pose, Zidane, we can have your friends see what a work of art you were while I try and sort out something for Dagger, Eiko, and Steiner to wear when they join you."

Zidane sighed.

"You're just trying to make me regret saying this costume is worth it."

"More or less."

***

Persephone's studio had a marble block being chiselled away into a Chocobo plus a statue of a half crouched wild boy holding a spear in both hands in a fighting pose. The other seven party members were looking at Zidane, Dagger with some concern over the words "nice companion piece" that had been mentioned earlier.

"See, I was right, he is a nice statue." Eiko said.

"I was right too, he's quiet." Freya noted.

' _Ha ha. original._ ' Zidane commented

"Um, about the companion piece thing..." Dagger started. She was also a little worried about the clay but assumed it wouldn't be too hard to wash out. After all, Zidane had been the one to point out if it was to show the others what would happen that the clay would be needed....

' _Yeah. That really sounds quite interesting._ ' 

"It's not going to be any worse than what Zidane is wearing if that's what you're worried about." Persephone said.

"That's exactly what I was worried about to be honest..." Dagger noted

"On the bright side your tail won't be real. Ask Zidane how many problems it caused last time." 

"I know how many problems it causes the _rest_ of the time..." 

The group paused for a moment, regarding Zidane's statue for a moment again

"I am not versed in the arts, but the ruffian makes for better sculpture than a person." Steiner then said. Zidane imagined making a rude gesture at him.

"Anyway, we had better get ready for the other three. It won't take too long to get the right things. then we'll figure out what poses I want and then I'll get started."

The others then left the room.

' _Hey, wait a second!_ '

Persephone ducked back in grinning.

"Just kidding." she said, throwing a soft.

***

"Can't we do something else? This is too strange." Dagger was complaining from behind the door. 

"The deal was, my statues, you get in and get what you need done." Persephone said. The door opened slowly and Dagger came out. 

She wore furskin like Zidane had, but in her case it was a spotted fur bikini-style garment, with matching boots and gloves. Unlike Zidane instead of a cloak she wore a hat made from the head of a leopard. A fake tail hung off the bikini bottom. She had a bow with no string and a few arrows in a leather pouch over her back. She was also blushing furiously.

"Since the hat covers your hair, it's not going to be so messy for you when we add the clay." Persephone explained. The others had declined to have it added for now.

"It's still embarrassing." Dagger whined.

Zidane had merely been staring with his mouth open in surprise throughout all of this.

"Well, aim the bow. Hold the arrow attached to it, it's nailed on."

Dagger complied.

"And try to look less embarrassed and more like you're aiming a bow at a monster or something."

A moment later, Daggers dress rehearsal for the statue she would be was finished. The others looked at the statue, Zidane still staring in surprise, but his mouth closed now. 

"She's not as nice as Zidane was." Eiko said.

' _Oh, thanks...._ ' Dagger thought, a little bitterly.

"I'd say they're about equal really." Freya noted.

"Well, none of you are art critics are you? They'll be the judges." Persephone said.

***

Steiner's appearance was quite a drastic change. Instead of rusting and battered armour, what Persephone had obtained was a black suit of armour, spiked and with a facemask in the shape of a screaming skull. When he had walked out wearing it nearly everyone had flinched. The sword he carried was a two handed broadsword that had a blade edged like a saw. Standing still he looked like a statue already. 

"I think perhaps I should try and get real armour like this...." Steiner commented, and Zidane was a little freaked out to realise the shape of the helm made Steiner's voice sound louder and actually a little intimidating. 

"Scary doesn't suit you, Rusty. Besides, what would I call you if your armour was actually in good condition?" Zidane mocked. Steiner ignored him.

"Well, all you need to do is hold that sword up and you're done." Persephone said. The subsequent statue made from Steiner still looked imposing.

"These art critics, are they likely to run away?" Armarant enquired.

***

Eiko was simpler. she simply put on a dress with a puffy skirt and some fake wings. to cover her summoners horn she wore a tiara that also held up the halo.

"I think I'm gonna be the best statue!" Eiko proclaimed. A few moments later, when Persephone had told her to stand on her toes and look like she was floating, Eiko was a statue as well.

"Hmmm.... no, not so good." Dagger teased.

' _Shut up!_ ' Eiko mentally snapped back.

"It's better than the one rusty will be. I thought people were meant to go to galleries for fun or something,  not to be terrified." Zidane said

"Silence, knave!"

***

"I forgot to ask, what story will these statues be telling?" Dagger asked as she prepared to resume her pose.

Persephone had worked on each statue a few hours at a time, petrifying her models in place to hold their poses. The shapes of the four were now emerging after a week, but Persephone warned the details would take longer to sculpt. 

"The story? Well, Zidane's story will be the same. A tribal warrior stalking prey for an initiation..."

"Ah, will mine be similar?"

"I'll explain in a second. Could you hold your pose?" Persephone asked. Dagger obeyed, and was a few moments later frozen in stone.

"Anyway, I was thinking your story You'd be there as part of his initiation, but for his hand in marriage..." 

' _What?! No!_ ' Dagger protested in her mind, knowing that if that story were used Zidane would never let her hear the end of it...

"I'm just kidding. You'll be a female of the tribe on the same hunt, with your story being that the wild boy tries to impress you, but you usually just shrug off his advances. Steiner will be a stern, unstoppable Dark Knight who will spare nothing to protect his Queen, and Eiko will be an Angel who brings Statues to life just for a night, hiding as one herself by day..."

' _Oh. That's better. A little too much of an in-joke for my liking though..._ ' Dagger thought, as Persephone began chipping away at the block that would be the copy of the "Wild Girl" statue.

 

***

Copying all four precisely took another two weeks, with two weeks to go until the full moon. The copies could now no longer be told apart from the statues made by petrifying the four party members without knowing what to seek, and from very close inspection. The shrunken statues and the three supersofts were hidden away, the statues protected by wads of wool like the larger ones would be. Since Eiko was to be attached to her pedestal, she would be kept standing while in transit, but the others would be laid down in wool for shipment. That process didn't take long again. Zidane was the first opened, greeted by the brown haired woman from last time

' _Long time no see!_ ' he greeted her unheard.

"Detailed again. It's nearly identical to the original..." The woman said, and inspected him by checking him with eyes and hands.

' _Again? Why can't all the cute ladies start running their hands all over me when they see me?_ ' Zidane idly wondered.

He was not surprised this time when the soft did not work. He was carried away as the next crate opened. The brown haired gallery woman jumped back in shock.

"Whoa!" 

' _Come now, surely you cannot find a statue startling?_ ' Steiner complained as the woman looked down.

"...Okay, you know what, I don't want to check this with a soft. If this thing is real..." 

' _Do your job properly, madam!_ '

Despite her words, she did check the statue with her eyes, hands and a soft. Steiner was taken away as well as the next crate opened.

"This must be the companion to the wild boy. A wild girl? Not as nice."

' _I see you're from the same school of thought as Eiko..._ '

"I dunno, she looks a little bit like the portrait of Princess Garnet in the east wing." Someone said.

' _...Yes, looks like._ ' Dagger thought nervously.

"Poor wild girl. Persephone never endows her ladies much." One of the male helpers commented.

' _Hey!_ ' 

"Look, will you stand back, we need to check this statue for any damage and use a soft on it." the brown haired woman said. unlike Steiner, Dagger noticed the attention and unlike Zidane she did not like it.

' _Aah! you're worse than Zidane!_ '

She was also taken away, and Eiko was unboxed.

"Is this right?" The brown haired woman asked, puzzled.

' _What do you mean?!_ ' Eiko demanded, but was of course unheard.

"Yeah. It's not being sold to the Gallery of Angels, Persephone said she wanted this one along with the others as part of the deal." A male said.

' _The what?_ ' Eiko wondered at this claim. Gallery of Angels? What was that?

"The amount we paid for a new wild boy? She's got a nerve."

the woman inspected Eiko like the previous three.

' _Hey, that tickles._ '

Eiko was removed completely from the crate and put on a trolley. as she was wheeled into the gallery she saw Zidane and Dagger standing beside each other, but on separate pedestals. Steiner was across from them and there was a gap beside him. sure enough, that was her place, looking across at Dagger. Persephone was there, making sure her artwork was in the right spot.

"yes, this one's good too." she said. the helpers left. she then wandered from statue to statue speaking to them briefly

"Eiko, you might have heard them mention another gallery when they unboxed you. It opened a few months ago and mostly deals with art like you. It's been buying it up from all over and odds are, they'll try to buy you. I made sure they would have to wait at least two weeks before then though. Steiner, you'll probably be used to standing around bored if you're a military man so have fun. Dagger, you'll probably find yourself getting some attention. And Zidane, no one's going to try and buy you this time, The gallery let people know that you're definitely not for sale. Couldn't convince them Dagger wasn't though..."

' _Sale? What?_ ' Dagger thought with alarm

***

As before, Zidane proved popular. Dagger, as a companion piece, was similarly popular, and was glad to hear a few people (mostly males) even note that the newer statue was a little nicer than the wild boy. Steiner was still a little bemused at the sheer number of people who commented on his fearsome appearance, and Eiko was growing a little tired of people describing her as cute. Both Eiko and Steiner were aware that a few patrons were commenting on what a contrast the two were. The four were to spend twelve days in place before the full moon. It was less than three before someone made a bid. All four had been getting bored of things, alone with their thoughts, when the event happened.

Two men, a short fat man and a tall blond man were speaking as they neared the statues in the evening after the gallery had closed. Zidane saw them walk in front of his frozen vision.

' _Uh oh, the fat guy is the owner..._ ' He thought to himself. The rest guessed from the conversation.

"As you know, we don't simply sell off our art to anyone placing a bid..." The fat man begun

"You sold to the Alexandrian royals! They're so distracted just now I can't even get in touch with them to buy anything that survived in the castle." The blonde fumed.

' _I think the fact the city is in ruins takes precedence over some paintings and sculptures!_ ' Steiner raged.

"Well, yes, but the Alexandrian royalty always had an arrangement with the auctioneers and gallery owners of Treno..."

"Very well, auction it is. How soon will you be auctioning it?" The blond man said.

' _Who is he talking about?_ ' Dagger wondered. Then she realised he must have been the owner of the other gallery here to try and buy Eiko. 

"The contract of sale said we had to keep it for at least 11 more days. We could auction in the morning before we're putting new works in."

' _When is that?_ ' Eiko asked. she had guessed who the man was as well

"Very well. I will wait." The blond man said and left, unaware he was leaving four statues wondering if that was enough time...

***

It didn't cause a problem for anyone except to worry about Eiko possibly being sold. The copy was fine, but the real Eiko being sold meant there were no copies and no supersoft. Another problem was that Zidane and Dagger had both collected fans and critics. Some of them thought the companion piece was a waste and ruined the wild boy statue. Some thought that the wild girl far surpassed her companion. Dagger had been worried to overhear a few of Zidane's supporters threaten to smash her. Zidane had been just as worried. 

Zidane also realised after he blacked out that Persephone hadn't told the others they would black out. she must have assumed they knew.

' _Wonder what they dreamt about?_ ' He pondered. He himself had been fairly relaxed and had a fairly pleasant but bizarre dream about winning a card tournament against a Chocobo. He intended to lie and claim he had dreamt of Dagger though, or something else. Maybe winning a kiss from Dagger in a card tournament against a Chocobo...

***

Eiko had blacked out and had her dream a few days before in fact, and as Zidane was thinking this over she was still confused over it all. She had blacked out at night and suddenly found herself in a different gallery, looking at statues of angels that looked just like her. 

' _What the... How did I get here?_ ' She wondered. Then she realised where "here" was and screamed in her mind. Then she saw the statue across from her start to change. It was turning to normal. It was the same as her, because it _was_ her. The former statue jumped down, looked at Eiko, then stuck out it's tongue and ran away. Eiko screamed again...

When she had awoken it took her a while to realise it had been a nightmare. It was still at the front of her thoughts, as she was nervous at the possibility of being sold. She had figured out what a problem it could be, trapping not just herself but the others too. Freya only had one supersoft to bring after all...

***

Dagger had her blacking out and subsequent dream the next night. She found herself still standing in the gallery, but heard someone moving in the darkness. Suddenly she heard the noise of something smashing and she was moving, falling to the floor. Her vision broke into a million different fractured pictures, but she was still conscious.

' _What... What is this?_ ' She though with alarm.  Then she realised with horror. The threat to smash her... Was she...

Suddenly she was back staring across at Eiko and realised what had really happened. 

' _Just a dream. Nothing to get broken up over..._ ' She thought to herself. Unfortunately, the brief nightmare of being smashed had made her a little paranoid...

' _What was that noise there?!_ '

***

Steiner however had managed to miss his dream, by unimaginatively dreaming of standing right where he was. The Alexandrian knight would remain oblivious to the notion that he would have dreams as a statue until the night the four would be reverted.

***

Freya had been the one who would come and drop the supersoft on Eiko. She visited the day before to make sure she knew where to go. Eiko hoped she wouldn't miss, and was very relieved when she heard glass smash off her head and herself getting warmer. Like Zidane had said, she felt herself turn back slowly, and held immobile for a few moments. Then she could move. She pulled her feet out of the pedestal and carefully stepped down, grabbing the three supersofts. Life returned to the others like it had with her.

"Come on, hurry up. I want to get out of here." Eiko whined. When the others were turned back, Zidane was first to speak.

"So, what did everyone dream about?"

"Oh yes, thanks for warning me, Zidane. I thought I had been smashed to bits!" Dagger complained.

"I thought I had been sold and that a statue turned into me and ran away!" Eiko said.

"Dream?" Steiner asked, puzzled.

"Oh. right. I'm the only one who had a good dream I guess."

"What was it about?" Eiko asked.

"We don't have time for that, I'm afraid. besides, the knave has a one track mind. It should be obvious what he dreamt of." Steiner hissed.

"Yeah. Stealing something." Zidane said.

"See? It's fortunate I am here otherwise he would probably try and take the statue of himself! But he knows this gallery better. He should look for the eye with lady Eiko and we will replace the statues."

As Zidane and Eiko went to fetch the eye, Dagger and Steiner placed the copies onto the pedestals and unshrunk the marble statues. the others soon returned with the eye. 

"So what now?" Eiko asked.

"Well, if it works, we're both supposed to hold it up to the moonlight and think about locating Kuja. Then it will show us." Dagger said. Zidane and Steiner sighed.

"What's wrong?" Eiko asked. She turned to see the cloud move over the moon.

"Oh."

***

Eventually, the cloud moved out of the way and they held it up. as soon as it touched the moonlight Eiko and Dagger instantly knew the location.

"Okay, Zidane, take the orb back, we know where he is!" Eiko said. 

"Where?" Steiner quickly interjected. Dagger was about to speak but Eiko seemed to want to make a quick game of it.

"Nuh uh! Not telling you until the orb's back and we're out of here!" 

Zidane sighed, and took the orb.

"Well, at least that was fairly easy. And kind of quick considering..." Zidane said. Steiner nodded.

With Steiner in tow, he carried it back. He was wondering where Kuja was, when the orb struck moonlight and he was shown what Eiko and Dagger knew. He froze in surprise at this. Dagger and Eiko were waiting by the statues, hiding in a shadow, and hadn't noticed....

"Um... Steiner, I'm going to hand you the eye. Hold it in the light and try and think where someone is." Zidane said. Steiner did so.

"Oh dear." He said shortly after.

"Yeah. I know. Let's not tell them, right?"

Steiner pondered how the ladies would respond to learning they had spent two weeks as statues and had nightmares for nothing.

"Yes. I believe that is the best course of action."

***

Upon leaving, reuniting with the others, and changing clothes, the party soon proceeded to where Kuja was. this time no statues had gone missing, and the gallery had no reason to suspect it. The copy of Eiko was sold the next day to the owner of the gallery of angels, for nearly 150,000 Gil. The party made sure not to lose track of Kuja again, mainly because Eiko and Dagger were very insistent about not repeating the adventure. Zidane and Steiner both kept their mouths very tightly closed on the matter except to agree with them...


	2. The Gag Reel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Alternate and Gag Scenes

Zidane, Dagger, and Steiner were already petrified, and Eiko was getting onto her pedestal.

"So, Persephone, what happens when you're petrified? I've only ever been petrified for a few minutes." The young summoner asked

"For a while? Well, you'll stay concious. Didn't Zidane tell you about when he did it?" persephone said.

"Yeah, he did. but i just think we might have missed something." 

"What do you mean?"

"Just some feeling it's a bad idea." Eiko shrugged.

Persephone smiled.

"You're probably just nervous."

Eiko assumed her pose and Persephone cast the spell. 

' _Wait a second, I think I know why it's a bad idea now..._ ' Eiko thought.

As she did this, the world stopped and giant letters proclaiming "Game Over" appeared, and Eiko could swear she heard music...

* * *

The party was ready to become statues now. All they had to do was get into their "disguises".

"The costumes are in there." Persephone said, pointing to a closet in a fairly dark corridor. 

Zidane went in first and Dagger soon followed. The two could not really see each other in the corridor.

"Is it me or does something seem wrong here? " Zidane asked.

"What do you mean?" Dagger said in confusion 

The two then left the shadows and realised what the problem was.

"Uh, Zidane, we're wearing the wrong costumes..."

They quickly ran to get into the correct costumes before anyone else noticed...

* * *

As before, Zidane proved popular. Dagger, as a companion piece, was similarly popular, and was glad to hear a few people even note that the newer statue was a little nicer than the Wild Boy. Steiner was still a little bemused at the sheer number of people who commented on his fearsome appearance, and Eiko was growing a little tired of people describing her as cute. Both Eiko and Steiner were aware that a few patrons were commenting on what a contrast the two were. The four were to spend twelve days in place before the full moon. It was less than three before someone made a bid to buy a statue. All four had been getting bored.

Two men, a short fat man and a tall blond man were speaking as they neared the statues in the evening. Zidane saw them walk in front of his frozen vision.

' _Uh oh, the fat guy is the owner..._ ' He thought to himself. 

The rest guessed.

"As you know, we don't simply sell off our art to anyone placing a bid..." The fat man began, only to be cut off.

"2,000,000 gil."

"...Unless of course there are special circumstances. When do you want it?"

' _Hey, wait a minute!_ ' Eiko protested unheard.

She and the others could do nothing, as almost immedialy she and her pedestal were removed and taken away to the other gallery. 

A month later, the other three were sure they would be discovered when the Softs were used on them. The spell that made it last a month without Supersoft had worn off, and they would turn back, exposing the truth. The brown haired woman poured soft onto Zidane.

' _Oh well, If I run maybe I can try and help Eiko..._ '

But nothing happened

' _Huh?!_ ' Zidane wondered. 

He was too surprised to realise the problem of having passed the second test, that with no replacement statue, he was stuck there for the forseeable future...

In the store across the city, the shopkeeper was about to take a drink of bottled water, when the contents of the bottle turned out to be a foul-tasting fluid.

"What the? Soft? I thought this was water! Wait, if this is soft what did I do with the water?"

* * *

' _Another day or so and it's the full moon_ ' Zidane realised as the moon rose. 

Then he heard footsteps. Three guards and four other men walked into the darkened gallery.

"So, these two?" A guard said, pointing at him and Dagger.

"That's what we paid for. After all, however it got stolen last time you never saw them, why should it be any different the second time?" One of the men noted.

' _Uh oh_ '

Eiko and Steiner could only watch as Zidane and Dagger were stolen for real, meaning that instead of looking for Kuja, they'd need to look for Zidane and Dagger first...

* * *

Freya had been the one who would come and drop the Supersoft on Eiko. She vistied the day before to make sure she knew where to go. Eiko hoped she wouldn't miss, and was very relieved when she heard glass smash off her head and herself getting warmer. Like Zidane had said, she felt herself turn back slowly, and held immobile for a few moments. 

Then she could move. She pulled her feet out of the pedestal and carefully jumped down, stepping on the three Supersofts.

"...Uh oh."

* * *

As Zidane and Eiko went to fetch the eye, Dagger and Steiner placed the copies onto the pedestals and unshrunk the marble statues. The others soon returned with the eye. 

"So what now?" Eiko asked Garnet.

"Well, if it works, we're both supposed to hold it up to the moonlight and think about locating Kuja, then it will show us." Came the reply. 

Eiko and Garnet held the orb up to the moonlight, where it glowed green. Both White Mage Summoners closed their eyes and waited. Nothing happened, and they brought the orb back down from the window in confusion.

"Zidane, are you sure this was it? it doesn't seem to work." Dagger asked.

"Well, it was just a legend wasn't it?" Zidane said nervously.

He had a feeling Eiko and Dagger's anger at the waste of time would be coming back at him shortly...

* * *

As Zidane and Eiko went to fetch the eye, Dagger and Steiner placed the copies onto the pedestals and unshrunk the marble statues. The others soon returned with the eye. 

"So what now?" Eiko asked Garnet.

"Well, if it works, we're both supposed to hold it up to the moonlight and think about locating Kuja, then it will show us." Came the reply. 

Eiko and Garnet held the orb up to the moonlight, where it glowed green. Both White Mage Summoners closed their eyes and waited. Nothing happened, and they brought the orb back down from the window in confusion.

"Zidane, are you sure this was it? It doesn't seem to work." Dagger asked. 

Zidane did not reply. 

"Zidane?" she asked again. 

She looked and saw Zidane and Steiner both standing perfectly still. She then remembered something.

"Eiko, hold the eye for a second. Don't put it in the moonlight."

"Okay..." Eiko complied as Dagger walked over to Zidane and tapped him on the forehead.

"Eiko, where did Zidane find that one?" She asked.

"Over there, the cabinet near the statue of the woman with snakes for hair." The smaller summoner said.

Dagger sighed.

"I thought so. That's not the Eye of Odin, it's the Eye of Medusa. Do you know Stona?"

* * *

Eventually, the cloud moved out of the way and they held it up. As soon as it touched the moonlight Eiko and Dagger grew puzzled.

"What's wrong? Does it not work?" Zidane asked.

"I think it works, but not for us." Garnet said.

"So what's wrong?"

"What does '404 error Kuja not found' mean?" Eiko interrupted

**Author's Note:**

> Another older fic, a follow-up to Thief Statue or Statue Thief. It has alternate scenes (IE the second chapter here) and also a few related shorts but they're staying on DA for the meantime. This is fairly old and I'd like to think I can do better these days.


End file.
